I just wanna break you down so badly...

Sun, 02 Sep 2007 23:10:56 GMT

Like frost bite on my Knees I needed an amputation
Like the clog in my pipe i needed ressucitation
But I kept on keeping on
Hoping you'd tag along
Then I looked at the one way sign
And realized I was following all along.

Mon, 13 Aug 2007 21:24:36 GMT

I haven't used this in so long... I should update more.
Maybe I will.

Fri, 18 May 2007 21:11:31 GMT

She's everything I've been looking for. And SO MUCH more than that.

Tue, 08 May 2007 20:36:46 GMT

Life is just shit.

Fri, 04 May 2007 13:47:42 GMT

Today should be a good day. *Keeps fingers crossed*
My teacher just e-mailed me back and told me my paper was definately an A paper, and a bunch of other stuff about how I should be proud I was able to write about all that. I feel good.
I have to head back to H20 to pick up in a little while, and then we are going to see Spiderman 3 later... can't wait.
Then Crystal is coming over?
Yeah... should be a good day!

Thu, 03 May 2007 21:18:18 GMT

I just wrote a paper on PTSD and I'm really proud of myself. I was talking to my teacher about it, because we had this huge list of topics to chose from, and I was like, well I have a few of these disorders haha. So we went through the list and when I said that I had PTSD she seemed like she really wanted me to write the paper about it, so I was like cool.
And I'm sooo proud, and so happy that I did it because it felt pretty amazing to actually write about it and talk about.
I just wanted to put that up here, even though I'm pretty sure people don't read this thing anymore.
I'm also having a good week. House sitting in Peabody for Dani's sister, and me her Joey and John have basically been living together and just having a ball.
Idk.
Things are good =)

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 19:50:07 GMT

I'm fine.
I don't care anymore.
She finally did enough that everyone who used to love her, hates her.
My family thinks she's shit.
My friends want to hit her.
I feel good.

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 16:36:06 GMT

Last night was sweet. Hung out with Kathleen and her brothers and smoked. Pretty fucking awesome.. I love that girl. And tonight should be awesome, because I'm going to Joeys with Dani and John. I'm actually kind of excited about hanging out with Dani. We haven't really been fighting as much lately, so things are pretty good. =) No complaints atleast.
I'm starting to think that I'm never gonna let myself fully love someone. I think so much has happened to me in my life that there is a huge part of me that will remain as hard as a rock and as cold as ice, and there's nothing that can change that. That's probably why my relationships fail: because I'm never gonna trust someone enough to have faith in them. If that makes sense..?
Eh I don't know.

I don't even know...

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 14:06:50 GMT

I am going on a date today. I can't remember the last time I went on a "date." Obviously not including the dates gone on while I was in a relationship with Dani, because once you're "together" it's not dating anymore. You know? I'm wicked nervouse. Like... I can't remember the last time I was this nervous about something. Yeahh...

We went to NH for my birthday... John, Joey, Dani, and I ... and it was a lot of fun. Got drunk both nights I was up there, haha, and we have some interesting videos from it. One of me and Joey trying to run across ice over water on the Kancamangus Highway.

Yeah I don't know. This update was pointless...

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 19:38:54 GMT

So today I finished this amazing documentary in Writing class. It's about the EV1s which are the first American car, and how GM produced them after the California Air Resources Board passed a mandate that stated car companies had to produce a certain amount of cars each year that were less detrimental to the air and such. So GM didn't like that they were being forced to produce cars which didn't require gasoline so they basically lied and said their wasn't a demand for them and sued the CARB so that they didn't have to make them anymore. And even after huge protests and an offer of 1.9 million dollars to keep SOME of the cars on the road they hunted them down one by one, took them back, and shredded them. It's fucking ridiculous that America has the technology to break our addiction to oil and we don't use it. You plugged the friggen car into your garage and it was good for 60 fucking miles. The average miles driven per day is 29. I love how we're so money happy. It makes me so fucking mad to see a 3 person family driving a hummer. YOU DONT NEED IT!
Grrrrr.
A few years from now when the black cloud of death takes over all our breathing air, you can have GM and the fucking oil companies to blame for squashing technology so they can put some money in their pockets.

They call her a killer, and they call her a sinner, and they call her a whore

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 21:26:19 GMT

So I decided I'd put up a post since my last two were extremely angry.
Kate and I made up... I'm still pissed off and hurt, but we're working on it.
Danielle sent me flowers today, which was very sweet. But we still have ALOT to work on if we are ever going to get back together.
I was going through someone's friends the other day and saw Helena. Her profile is private but I could still see her default picture. Her hair got long. She looked better with short hair.
I'm going to John's tonight with Danielle and Joey to watch some TV and get some dinner. I haven't eaten since Saturday morning. I was going to roll again on Tuesday with Kathleen, but I don't think my body can handle it... so I'm not. Atleast not on Tuesday.
That's all.

*Kerri thanks for the comment. It meant a lot and you have always been there for me, and every other one of your friends. You rock and we definately need to hang out soon!

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 20:29:40 GMT

I fucking love how you do coke.
But I can't do E.
And how you fucking slice and dice your arms and write about it all over your fucking livejournal and then tell me I'm being dramatic?
I stood by you every fucking second of our breakup whether you want to realize it or not.
I dealt with all the horrible shit you parents said about me. Because I fucking love you.
I cried how many times because your cunt of a mother walked all over me? Trashed everything I ever fucking gave you and made me feel like shit.
Remember EVERYTHING you put me through when we broke up? Slicing your fucking arm up in your dorm room so I had to call 911? Ripping off a fucking chain that meant the world to me?
You can't be there for me for one fucking day and you can't understand why I am upset?
This is why we're not together.
This is why we would never fucking work.
Every single day I doubt if you even loved me.
And now I have my answer.
I guess it's good I got out while I did...
But I'm not gonna fucking lie...
This fucking poision girl is dead.

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 17:48:40 GMT

I hate getting my hopes up... Because I always get let down.

And I hate trusting people... because they're never worthy.

And even more... I hate crying, and I hate how the smallest thing makes my whole fucking world come crashing down. I hate myself. And I hate you for hurting me.

Sat, 17 Feb 2007 20:37:51 GMT

Uggh. This giving up alcohol for a while thing sucks, because I really just wanna go to a party and get shit-faced, but I can't. Oh well.
Got new sleeping pills... they're supposed to be strong. So we shall see.
My hair is getting longg... almost in my eyes.
Other than that, life is life.

Thu, 08 Feb 2007 02:57:50 GMT

I should really get to sleep soon, since i have class in the morning and I took my meds... which means it's gonna be hard for me to wake up as it is. Ugh. I'm sick of life. Really sick of it, and after my breakdown this weekend I'm just hoping shit will get better for me. It's not fair that the worlds waste has seem to all come to play in my life. Whatever. I'm sure people have it worse off, so I should really count my blessings.
I def. don't want to go to class tomorrow. 3 classes, back to back, and I hate two of them. My english class is BORING. My math teacher is a fucking idiot. And I guess my Explorations in Human Behaviors class is pretty good. The teacher is cool.
Yeah. I'm rambling.

Whipers, "Hello I miss you quite terribly"

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 21:39:11 GMT

I had this really long post.
And then I deleted it.
And decided to leave this instead.
Silence implies a lot actually.

Sedation changes to panic...

Sun, 28 Jan 2007 23:23:34 GMT

School tomorrow. Woo hoo. Shakespeare from 12:30-3:15 or something like that, and I have a 3 page paper due on Othello. It's an analytical paper so it shouldn't be too bad. Atleast I don't have to summarize the story or anything so if I missed a few key parts, who cares right? Oh, except that there is a quiz as well.
This class will be the death of me!

And then she whispered, "How could you do this to me?"

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 05:04:45 GMT

Where has the time gone?
I feel like it's flying by...
And I can't seem to grab it.

And today was a day just like any other...

Sat, 06 Jan 2007 20:18:11 GMT

I'm almost 100% positive my mother just bought a new car, which is cool. With how much she works and what she went through to get her life at this point she deserves to buy something for herself. Especially since she gave me and my sisters an AMAZING christmas.
I never update this thing anymore, but I still go on from time to time and read other people's.
I'm going out with D tonight... excited. We're gonna get dinner and stuff which is super. I'm trying to talk her into taking me to Headlines so I can get a new bowl.
Not that I need it.
But I kinda want to retire poison because it keeps getting clogged =(.
I pretty much collect them now. It's not good.
The cover of Time After Time by Quietdrive is pretty much amazing.

Sat, 16 Dec 2006 15:27:08 GMT

So. I'm pretty much exhausted, and for some reason after like 8:00 this morning I couldn't sleep. I told Jamie I got back together with Dani and she flipped and never wants to see me again which is a bit annoying. It's good to know though I guess. Apparently unless I'm single and she can sleep with me, she wants nothing to do with me. She's so immature. Whatever.
I'm going to Sam's tonight and I can't wait. Girls night! I need it. Her boyfriend is going to a Christmas party, so we are just gonna hang in and watch movies, maybe get some din din. I know she wants to go to the mall and do some Christmas shopping to so mb I'll buy my baby a little sumthin sumthin. Haha.

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 01:53:19 GMT

Last night and this morning sucked! The pipes in the basement are really loud and keep me up all fucking night, so I got like no sleep what so ever and I had to be up at 7:50 so I could be at my aunts house by 8:30, which I know doesn't seem early, but it is when you aren't used to getting up at that hour and you're on no sleep, and you're going to babysit twins for 9 hours. Yeah, I'd say it's pretty damn early.
So now I'm waiting for my laundry to finish so I can go to bed, and I'm kinda annoyed with my family because today was my mom's b-day and we didn't even take her out to dinner because Shawna had cheering, which is stupid. Shawna ALWAYS has cheering and she misses it for dumb shit all the time, so I don't understand why she couldn't miss tonight, or at least find another ride so my mom could have a birthday dinner. It's all pretty stupid, and I'm really annoyed.

No direction here

Fri, 08 Dec 2006 16:09:28 GMT

For the most part... I can't stand christmas. I don't like how everyone feigns happiness, and pretends to like eachother just because it's the holidays. I used to hate school to how everyone would show off how many presents they got because of course that's all that ever mattered on Christmas. Not that I wasn't one of the spoiled kids, because I was, but still... I think I may have been one of the few children who actually understood that Christmas just isn't about gifts. Maybe that's because I stopped believing in Santa really young, and I got that it has nothing to do with being good or not.. it's just how much money mommy and daddy make.
But! That said... I love Christmas lights! Everything looks so magical.

Sat, 25 Nov 2006 18:12:32 GMT

I'm babysitting tonight, even though I kinda don't feel good, but atleast I feel better. I got the flu shot yesterday and now my upper arm is really sore. It kinda blows.
I think it's funny how a few weeks ago I thought all the friends I had met at Bagly were great and wonderful and blah blah blah...
Now the only ones I can tolerate are Kathleen and Lauren, because the rest are all really immature. Maybe I'm just getting too old for Bagly.

Fri, 24 Nov 2006 16:34:47 GMT

So it's been a few days since I went to the E.R for my hand and the pain hasn't subsided at all, so I'm going back to the doctors in a little bit for a follow-up to see what they say. I can't even wear the splint because it pushes down on the bruised area and it kills. I can't even explain how much that hurts.
Yesterday was good. The post I wrote here said nothing about thanksgiving, so even though it's a bit late:
Happy turkey day!!
I went to D's house for a little while, and then got stuck for over an hour in a flood on Storrow Drive, and had to reverse down storrow drive. It kinda sucked. Especially since like no police officers even showed up to help, and it was the city-workers directing all the traffic. Pretty fucked up.
I'm mastering this typing with one hand thing...

Fri, 24 Nov 2006 06:11:26 GMT

I talked to Helena the other day for a while, and shit was cool, and I was like, "hey... this is good."
And then I texted her the next day and she didnt text me back.
Kinda like she always does.
And I realized something......
I don't care.
I really don't give a fuck.
And that's good.
Before this would've broken my heart completely, but now...
I'm over her.
That's AWESOME!